This isnt goodbye, its see you soon.- RIP Jimbo.

On the 27th of January we had to make the heart breaking decision to have Jimbo put to rest, with his arthritis getting worse and spreading we thought it was the kindest thing for him. The decision wasn't a easy one, we know he had a lovely 6 years with us and lived a great 23 years. he was one well loved pony, I never thought that when he cantered off with me when I first rode him we would have been so close, but we was!
He has done so much for me and helped me through so much, he gave me a purpose to keep going and gave me that reason to try and fight my demons, without him to say im finding it hard is a understatement. It is so upsetting to be down the stables and not have his cheeky character in your face. I am struggling with him not being here, he had such a massive positive impact on my life and without him I feel lost.

People say he is 'just' a horse but to me he was way way more than that he was my best friend who knew everything about how I felt and was there for me when I down,upset, he would always cheer me up!

So jimbo, I guess this isn't goodbye, its see you soon! I love you so much jimmy! :(

29months post op-

In January we saw our surgeon again, I'm defiantly having my 2 hooks removed now (yay) but I'm not sure when, my hooks do hurt a lot so I hope I'm not waiting too long, we also sadly had some news we weren't expecting from that appointment, due to Jemma having on going pain in her back, it's been suggested that she has her rods removed, this is a huge shock as she's only just a year post op! I know Jemma is scared of the chance that she may recurve again, after all her scoliosis below the Rods has increased.  She has been offered a second opinion either in Oxford or Bristol so we are now waiting for her medical records to be sorted so they can make the appointment, Jemma also has asked our gp to refer her to stanmore in London as they ate suppose to be great!
We have started the pain management programme at the hospital, let's say it's interesting,  it all about trying to manage you pain in different ways, like meditation and things, it's not really something that's going to help us but it might help others!
I'll be updating whenever I hear anything from the hospital.
Kirsty xxxx

Me,My eating disorder and I. Anorexia recovey update-

Its been a long while since I posted about my mental health so I thought id update you all, Everything in recovery was going well until the past few weeks, Im at the highest weight I've been in ages and ED hates it im having so many thoughts about being 'too fat' and that I should loose more weight again. im 45kg now up from 40kg and when I reach 46.5kg the aim will be to maintain my weight. I really am starting to freak out it to be honest as when I look in the mirror I already see fat:( im still managing  to eat my meal plan even though its getting harder, three meals, three snacks! it is a challenge still to this very day. I have an Appointment in the second week of January too see about getting my medication changed as I don't feel like it is working anymore and my GP cant change it, im hoping he will suggest some groups etc to help my anxiety as that is a defiant trigger for my eating disorder!
kirsty xxx

27 months first operation and 20 motnhs from my second-

So 7 weeks ago (tomorrow) on the 20th October Jemma had her second operation to remove a screw and a bit of rod from her back as it was thought that it was the cause of the pain. the operation was 3hours and 45mins and she spent 1d0days in hospital struggling with the pain management, She has follow up appointment next Monday (14thdecember) to see the surgeon to discuss what else can be done and whether
she will have to see a second opinion as the pain hasn't gone and is worse. I really hope he can help because at 20 she shouldn't and doesn't want to depend on pain killers.

I still haven't heard anything about my operation and if/when it will be but my Gp has finally let me have some pain relief 8mg cocodamol (1 tablet) when needed! it does help a bit but it doesn't get rid of all the pain, my next follow up appointment with Mr Mehta is onm the 4th of January so by then I hope something is sorted if not  then I honestly don't know whats going to happen

This week on Thursday  I have my last physio appt on my shoulder it has helped loads! I am able to fully use my arm now although the funny sensations and pain is still there at the moment it doesn't bother me much!
ill add some photos from jems operation stay below!!!
kirsty xxxx

25 months post op first op and 18 months post op secon op,,

Alot has been going on lately for both me and my twin! Where do I start?? Firstly we had our appointment with our surgeon on the 21st, it's both good and bad news! My twin Jemma is having to have another operation to get rid of a screw which is a hotspot on the scan, we are all hoping this will be the end of her pain but we can't be 100% , she's gutted and so scared but relieved she's being believed, I'm hopefully having my hooks out that have been causing problems for a while now and even though I'm gaining weight, the lumps don't seem to be dissappearing.

 

On the brighter note I've booked for me and max to go away for the week end 2-4th September next year ! I'm so excited and nervous , I haven't jumped since my operation but this camp I'll be jumping cross country fences, show jumping and I'll be doing dressage, it'll be good for us to go away and enjoy ourselves, problem is we are camping so I'll need a good camp bed so my back doesn't suffer too much ! Hopefully Jemma will be coming too so she can help me with max and be my groom lol.we have a lot of preparation for this so I need to make sure my weight goes up and my back is as pain free as possible!

I'll update you in the future with dates of Jemma's operation and what's happening with my back !

Kirsty xxx

11 reasons why we should recover from our eating disorders-

well I have been thinking a lot and since im struggling a lot with my Mental health I thought id post right now some positives things in hope they'd help me and others-

1:- Life is more than about counting calories and weighing out things.
2:- There is more to us than how much we weigh.
3:- your overall health will be better,(no more being super cold, dizzy and feeling faint)
4:-You will be in control of your life not your eating disorder.
5:- People will compliment on the positives and not the negatives (how healthy you look and how much better your looking).
6:- you will be able to go to social occasions and not have to worry about food.
7:- You wont constantly worry about how many calories you have eaten.
8:- Being Skinny wont solve your problems, there are other ways to cope.
9:- Being tired all the time is no fun.
10:-you concentration will be better
11:- You can wear and buy clothes that fit your age group.

recovery isn't easy, I myself am struggling, but I know we all can do it!
kirsty xxx

108 weeks (25months)1st post op and 78 weeks (17months) post 2nd op-

Wow a lot has happened lately, to start with on the 8th of August I did my very first dressage test on our pony max, we did well considering he had only been in work 4 weeks prior doing the test! we scored 63.9% meaning we came in 5th place. I loved it so did max! I will add some photos below:)

On the 10th August we saw Mr Mehta because a few painful lumps have appeared on my back, they really hurt especially when I lean against something, if its my hooks, then he can remove them, he rquested a CT scan to check everything hasn't moved etc which I had 28th . We go back on the 21st of this month for the results and jemma has an appointment to see him aswell as she had to have a Spect CT, 8months on from her operation and she is still on morphine and very strong painkillers which isn't right, I really hope something shows up so they can get it sorted for her!.

Next week I start physio again, this is way over due considering Mr Mehta asked for it ages ago. im hoping they can help strengthen my lower back and help with my shoulder pain. I have been taking a lot of pain killers recently so im really hoping it will help.
kirsty xxxx