42 weeks(10months) and 12weeks(3months) post op- fading and forgetting?

When things no longer seem so dramatic, scary and worring, people start to loose interest. Well that's how it seems to feel anyway. Our brains go into over drive when something hard happens everybody wants to know how you are and just want constant updates on you there is a lot of support around you when you need it the most, more than you probably think. Its the 2 times now I have been in hospital recovering from my operations made me realise this, but it's not untill after the event has happened we stop and think how life changing it has been.
As it happens it's natural just to keep our head down and keep up the battle but it's when we finally procees what has actually happens people start to loose a lot of interest as they think it's over and done with but it's us that have the long long recovery.  It's hard when everyone, friends, family have stories of going out shopping or going for a hack in my case and all I had to say was the struggles of doing daily things like shuffling down the road or not even even able to put my own shoes and socks on.
For me it times lke this when life is truly put into perspective, while they are stressed over 'little' things like not being able o ride as it raining or other things, it hit me what actually could be lying around the corner from them.

Throughout my Entire journey with scoliosis, scheuermanns kyphosis and the surgery there hasn't been one day gone by when I haven't thought about my back.it will never leave you but like your scar(s) they will eventually fade and while It may seem now like people don't care or support you it's just that they have there own lives,  there own problems and other things that happen in life .
So if you are reading and feeling like nobody cares  just keep in mind, just because people don't speak doesn't mean they don't care or are not supporting you because they more than likely are.
Kirsty xxxx

41Weeks(10months) post op- Starting physio again...

I had a phone call on Thursday last week from the physio department at my local Hospital to see if when we were free for a appointment, Amazing they asked if we were free the next day (Friday) which we were so that was that! it turns out that my physio is thinking my legs are compensating for my new body and the way it has dramatically changed so I am starting in their gym just on the walking bars re-learning to walk properly again... so that will be for the 3rd time? I am really hoping that it will work but my physio did say until we start this they wont actually know if there is anything wrong with my hips,
 Also I have been using the Capsaicin (Zacin 0.025%)cream that my Pain management Doctor, Mt Kumar prescribed but so far it hasn't worked. I have been using it for around 4/5 weeks everyday, a few times a day and it has done nothing my back, thighs and my ribcage all feel exactly the same as before I started to use the cream, Im coming to the conclusion that it probably isn't going work, With the cream you are suppose to feel like a burning sensation because of the chillies but I don't feel ANYTHING at all which I think is strange...Maybe my hypersensitivity and Numbness is to bad for it? makes me wonder! I will most like get my mom to ring Mr Kumar's Sectary back and see if we can make another appointment as there is no point in me wasting my time with the cream if its not doing anything, we could be doing something that may work in that time:)
Ive nearly finished my course of Acid Reflux tablets I am so so hoping that it stops like it did the last time and I don't have to have the camera in my stomach, I know its to check that everything is ok but I really don't want it! even my GP said its not very nice and that is saying something. I still feel sick time to time but at least its not coming up.
I would love to know what its like to be normal but then again its probably overrated!
Kirsty xxxx

40weeks(10months)post 1st op and 10 weeks post 2nd op-

Its the Start of the show season in the horsey world! everyone is getting their horses ready and going to shows etc, yet I am sitting here drinking a hot chocolate typing this. show jumping is tonight, one thing that I love to do and really enjoyed last year but I am still un able to yet I am not even aloud to have a little trot or a canter which is very annoying and upsetting. I would love to be able to get on a horse and do everything I used to. You're probably wondering why I am typing al this well, this is just one of the many feelings and frustrations you as readers may be feeling whether it is because of your operation or  restrictions with pain.  It is totally normal to feel this way, its nothing you can help either we have go through some major things and really it cant be rushed, something that will just take its time. although it is hard! we just have to keep thinking of what we (and our bodys) have been through and how far we have come!
While I was on my phone earlier I saw a saying that I loved so I thought id share it- "A Smile is a curve that sets everything straight!" being positive and smiling helps to get through the tough times. its hard I know but I believe that it can make a difference!
kirsty xxxx

39weeks(9months) post op and 9 weeks post the second op-

Its been 9 weeks since my second operation WOW! I haven't came on my Dyhydrocondine yet all i did stop was the morphine a week or so after the operation. I don't know if it is because my lower back is hurting a lot lately so i need them or the fact i am scared to come off them, i just keep having "What happens if i stop them and my back starts to hurt again?" pop into my head everytime i think about it. i do not what my pain to be as bad as it used to be, before the operation as it was so un-bearable and i felt like i couldn't do anything and i was constantly letting everyone down. I hated the thought of people thinking i was faking my back because i wasn't, having a spinal deformity isn't easy and i don't want anyone thinking it is.

With international Scoliosis Awareness day coming up in a month or so I would LOVE to raise more awareness. Why? your probably thinking.. Well this is because i don't think there is enough information Available for people who have Scoliosis or Kyphosis or parents who have kids with it. I mean i used to have a lot of people staring at me etc and i just don't see why it has to be now. i don't know exactly what I will do YET but i'm sure ill come up with something!
kirsty:) xxx

38weeks(9months) post op-

I saw pain management on Monday (28th April) and After going through some questions with a nurse I saw my Doctor he was going through all of the options with me, my sister and mom. He has started me off with some cream it contains some type of chillie this is to try and help desensitize all of my back,rib and thighs he said it works in some people and others it doesn't. I am quite scared to us the cream, I know it sounds silly but I am, I cant even touch the parts affected my self so I don't know how im going to get on with it. The other option was him Lasering my back, from what ive gathered its like a bigger Laser pointer? but I guess if the cream don't work he will discuss it in more detail.
I am also getting quite worried about the way I walk, it isn't normal that is for sure and I don't know how or if it will get fixed. I am waiting for my referral off my surgeon for physio but he said I can only have 'Gentle Physio' whatever that means... He has also asked my Doctors surgery to do a futher assessment on my reflux, I now have the tablets and it was going well but today I have been sick.

Although I am still struggling and I do find things hard something are starting to get a little easier I have to admit I never thought it would be so hard for me at first to do the simplest thing like putting a pair of socks on or trousers but that has seemed to get easier, n1ot 100% but it will get there I know it will! things I do still find hard is having a shower (still yes still!) and do everyday tasks around the house like washing up and all. I can make a cup of tea and I can wash up (to a certain extent) but im still not all sorted.

I was tempted to see how far I could bend and that the other day, I didn't do it for long just 5mins but it was a shock at how far I can bend with my fusion (T1-L2) I cant bend much but over time I will get used to it. I have put some pictures below of the outcome and I have also included a picture of how my legs are when I walk..
Kirsty:) xxx