Its been a long while since I posted about my mental health so I thought id update you all, Everything in recovery was going well until the past few weeks, Im at the highest weight I've been in ages and ED hates it im having so many thoughts about being 'too fat' and that I should loose more weight again. im 45kg now up from 40kg and when I reach 46.5kg the aim will be to maintain my weight. I really am starting to freak out it to be honest as when I look in the mirror I already see fat:( im still managing to eat my meal plan even though its getting harder, three meals, three snacks! it is a challenge still to this very day. I have an Appointment in the second week of January too see about getting my medication changed as I don't feel like it is working anymore and my GP cant change it, im hoping he will suggest some groups etc to help my anxiety as that is a defiant trigger for my eating disorder!
kirsty xxx
Monday, 7 December 2015
27 months first operation and 20 motnhs from my second-
So 7 weeks ago (tomorrow) on the 20th October Jemma had her second operation to remove a screw and a bit of rod from her back as it was thought that it was the cause of the pain. the operation was 3hours and 45mins and she spent 1d0days in hospital struggling with the pain management, She has follow up appointment next Monday (14thdecember) to see the surgeon to discuss what else can be done and whether
she will have to see a second opinion as the pain hasn't gone and is worse. I really hope he can help because at 20 she shouldn't and doesn't want to depend on pain killers.
I still haven't heard anything about my operation and if/when it will be but my Gp has finally let me have some pain relief 8mg cocodamol (1 tablet) when needed! it does help a bit but it doesn't get rid of all the pain, my next follow up appointment with Mr Mehta is onm the 4th of January so by then I hope something is sorted if not then I honestly don't know whats going to happen
This week on Thursday I have my last physio appt on my shoulder it has helped loads! I am able to fully use my arm now although the funny sensations and pain is still there at the moment it doesn't bother me much!
ill add some photos from jems operation stay below!!!
kirsty xxxx
she will have to see a second opinion as the pain hasn't gone and is worse. I really hope he can help because at 20 she shouldn't and doesn't want to depend on pain killers.
I still haven't heard anything about my operation and if/when it will be but my Gp has finally let me have some pain relief 8mg cocodamol (1 tablet) when needed! it does help a bit but it doesn't get rid of all the pain, my next follow up appointment with Mr Mehta is onm the 4th of January so by then I hope something is sorted if not then I honestly don't know whats going to happen
This week on Thursday I have my last physio appt on my shoulder it has helped loads! I am able to fully use my arm now although the funny sensations and pain is still there at the moment it doesn't bother me much!
ill add some photos from jems operation stay below!!!
kirsty xxxx
Thursday, 1 October 2015
25 months post op first op and 18 months post op secon op,,
Alot has been going on lately for both me and my twin! Where do I start?? Firstly we had our appointment with our surgeon on the 21st, it's both good and bad news! My twin Jemma is having to have another operation to get rid of a screw which is a hotspot on the scan, we are all hoping this will be the end of her pain but we can't be 100% , she's gutted and so scared but relieved she's being believed, I'm hopefully having my hooks out that have been causing problems for a while now and even though I'm gaining weight, the lumps don't seem to be dissappearing.
On the brighter note I've booked for me and max to go away for the week end 2-4th September next year ! I'm so excited and nervous , I haven't jumped since my operation but this camp I'll be jumping cross country fences, show jumping and I'll be doing dressage, it'll be good for us to go away and enjoy ourselves, problem is we are camping so I'll need a good camp bed so my back doesn't suffer too much ! Hopefully Jemma will be coming too so she can help me with max and be my groom lol.we have a lot of preparation for this so I need to make sure my weight goes up and my back is as pain free as possible!
I'll update you in the future with dates of Jemma's operation and what's happening with my back !
Kirsty xxx
Friday, 4 September 2015
11 reasons why we should recover from our eating disorders-
well I have been thinking a lot and since im struggling a lot with my Mental health I thought id post right now some positives things in hope they'd help me and others-
1:- Life is more than about counting calories and weighing out things.
2:- There is more to us than how much we weigh.
3:- your overall health will be better,(no more being super cold, dizzy and feeling faint)
4:-You will be in control of your life not your eating disorder.
5:- People will compliment on the positives and not the negatives (how healthy you look and how much better your looking).
6:- you will be able to go to social occasions and not have to worry about food.
7:- You wont constantly worry about how many calories you have eaten.
8:- Being Skinny wont solve your problems, there are other ways to cope.
9:- Being tired all the time is no fun.
10:-you concentration will be better
11:- You can wear and buy clothes that fit your age group.
recovery isn't easy, I myself am struggling, but I know we all can do it!
kirsty xxx
1:- Life is more than about counting calories and weighing out things.
2:- There is more to us than how much we weigh.
3:- your overall health will be better,(no more being super cold, dizzy and feeling faint)
4:-You will be in control of your life not your eating disorder.
5:- People will compliment on the positives and not the negatives (how healthy you look and how much better your looking).
6:- you will be able to go to social occasions and not have to worry about food.
7:- You wont constantly worry about how many calories you have eaten.
8:- Being Skinny wont solve your problems, there are other ways to cope.
9:- Being tired all the time is no fun.
10:-you concentration will be better
11:- You can wear and buy clothes that fit your age group.
recovery isn't easy, I myself am struggling, but I know we all can do it!
kirsty xxx
108 weeks (25months)1st post op and 78 weeks (17months) post 2nd op-
Wow a lot has happened lately, to start with on the 8th of August I did my very first dressage test on our pony max, we did well considering he had only been in work 4 weeks prior doing the test! we scored 63.9% meaning we came in 5th place. I loved it so did max! I will add some photos below:)
On the 10th August we saw Mr Mehta because a few painful lumps have appeared on my back, they really hurt especially when I lean against something, if its my hooks, then he can remove them, he rquested a CT scan to check everything hasn't moved etc which I had 28th . We go back on the 21st of this month for the results and jemma has an appointment to see him aswell as she had to have a Spect CT, 8months on from her operation and she is still on morphine and very strong painkillers which isn't right, I really hope something shows up so they can get it sorted for her!.
Next week I start physio again, this is way over due considering Mr Mehta asked for it ages ago. im hoping they can help strengthen my lower back and help with my shoulder pain. I have been taking a lot of pain killers recently so im really hoping it will help.
kirsty xxxx
On the 10th August we saw Mr Mehta because a few painful lumps have appeared on my back, they really hurt especially when I lean against something, if its my hooks, then he can remove them, he rquested a CT scan to check everything hasn't moved etc which I had 28th . We go back on the 21st of this month for the results and jemma has an appointment to see him aswell as she had to have a Spect CT, 8months on from her operation and she is still on morphine and very strong painkillers which isn't right, I really hope something shows up so they can get it sorted for her!.
Next week I start physio again, this is way over due considering Mr Mehta asked for it ages ago. im hoping they can help strengthen my lower back and help with my shoulder pain. I have been taking a lot of pain killers recently so im really hoping it will help.
kirsty xxxx
Thursday, 6 August 2015
2 YEARS POST OP-
Today marks the 2 year anniversary of my first operation! I can't believe it,it seems like yesterday that I was in hospital. The pain,fear and tears were worth everything, I'm so much more happier with myself and the way I look. It has been an emotional rollercoster and a hard few years but I feel that part of it has made me who I am today! I still have pain, but it's not what I used to have, oh no. It's a lot different, Its better I would say.
I know no longer worry about what clothes I wear to cover my back or who is looking at me, I am starting to expect my body for the way it is. I can't thank both my surgeons enough for what they have done for me, I'll forever be greatful:)
Next week I see mr Mehta for a follow up appointment, origally my appointment was in September but mr Mehta Recieved a letter from my GP regarding a few lumps that have appeared on my back,they hurt, especially when lent on so I'm hoping to get that sorted on monday:):)
Saturday is my first post op horse show, instead of my useual pre op jumping, I'll be doing a dressage test (intro B) I'm both excited and nervous for that!
Kirsty xxxx
I know no longer worry about what clothes I wear to cover my back or who is looking at me, I am starting to expect my body for the way it is. I can't thank both my surgeons enough for what they have done for me, I'll forever be greatful:)
Next week I see mr Mehta for a follow up appointment, origally my appointment was in September but mr Mehta Recieved a letter from my GP regarding a few lumps that have appeared on my back,they hurt, especially when lent on so I'm hoping to get that sorted on monday:):)
Saturday is my first post op horse show, instead of my useual pre op jumping, I'll be doing a dressage test (intro B) I'm both excited and nervous for that!
Kirsty xxxx
Tuesday, 7 July 2015
100weeks (23months) post my 1st op and 70 weeks (15months) post my second op-
I haven't posted on here for a while but I thought id post to fill everyone in about whats going on in my life.
Well last Tuesday I saw Mr green (Shoulder surgeon) and all the tests he had previously done came back with all good news! yay, I have been reffered to physio again but this time they can try help do things more a little harder, hopefully I should get the power in my arm back fully but its going to take a lot of work:) im up for it though.
Jemma had her 6 month check up yesterday and she's been having problems and pain since her fall in April, she landed very hard on the concrete so Mr Mehta is going to repeat the CT scan she had before that fall and see if things have moved etc. she is sadly still on the pain killers she left the hospital on, but im hoping in time things will get better.
My back has been good lately! I still have aches and pains but im doing my best just to carry on, I spoke to Mr Mehta yesterday (robbed jem's appointment again.... Ooops!) because I really want to start riding again, badly, so I asked if he could write me a letter for the RDA (riding for the disabled) to clear me to start having a few lessons, which is a start, I am wanting in the future to compete my max again but that's going to take work and time as I have to still learn how to adjust, who knows maybe I will surprise myself and it wont be as hard as im thinking it will be? We sadly had to retire Jimbo (our other horse), because he's arthritis is getting bad and
you can tell he know longer wants to be ridden, its upsetting since I haven't really rode in in 2 years. yeah ok I got on him and had a little walk around now and again, but nothing like going on hacks etc which he loved.
I cant believe in a month it will mark the 2 year anniversary of my operation! wow, looking back I cant believe how far I have come and what things I have achieved (little for some big for me!), I will always be very grateful to Mr Mehta and Mr Marks, my life is so much better and I have a much more positive out look on my life.
I've attached a few photos below of mine and jemma's scar and also a photo with Mr Mehta whilst we were at jemma's appointment.:)
Kirsty xxx
Well last Tuesday I saw Mr green (Shoulder surgeon) and all the tests he had previously done came back with all good news! yay, I have been reffered to physio again but this time they can try help do things more a little harder, hopefully I should get the power in my arm back fully but its going to take a lot of work:) im up for it though.
Jemma had her 6 month check up yesterday and she's been having problems and pain since her fall in April, she landed very hard on the concrete so Mr Mehta is going to repeat the CT scan she had before that fall and see if things have moved etc. she is sadly still on the pain killers she left the hospital on, but im hoping in time things will get better.
My back has been good lately! I still have aches and pains but im doing my best just to carry on, I spoke to Mr Mehta yesterday (robbed jem's appointment again.... Ooops!) because I really want to start riding again, badly, so I asked if he could write me a letter for the RDA (riding for the disabled) to clear me to start having a few lessons, which is a start, I am wanting in the future to compete my max again but that's going to take work and time as I have to still learn how to adjust, who knows maybe I will surprise myself and it wont be as hard as im thinking it will be? We sadly had to retire Jimbo (our other horse), because he's arthritis is getting bad and
you can tell he know longer wants to be ridden, its upsetting since I haven't really rode in in 2 years. yeah ok I got on him and had a little walk around now and again, but nothing like going on hacks etc which he loved.
I cant believe in a month it will mark the 2 year anniversary of my operation! wow, looking back I cant believe how far I have come and what things I have achieved (little for some big for me!), I will always be very grateful to Mr Mehta and Mr Marks, my life is so much better and I have a much more positive out look on my life.
I've attached a few photos below of mine and jemma's scar and also a photo with Mr Mehta whilst we were at jemma's appointment.:)
Kirsty xxx
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