79weeks(19months) post 1st op and 49weeks (11months) post the second-

Monday we saw Mr Mehta for my sisters 6 weeks check up and we also saw him for me at the same time for a results! (lucky him...I think not!) to start off jem's back is looking lovely!  she is having to have a few tests done because of her pain though, she had the xray when we were there and the CT scan Friday, so we are now just waiting for the Ultra sounds scan and the follow up appointment:)

I do have some good news for me though! my spine does seemed to have fused!!!! weheyyy!  also my Ultra sound scan came back that they couldn't find anything wrong with my shoulder and why it hurts, so im having to go see shoulder specialist. I also asked him to measure my post op xrays and guess what? im so proud and happy! my kyphosis has gone from 95degrees to 55degrees! yay!

Im still not able to do anything with the ponies :( its a shame really as the show jumping season starts in may and I really wanted to go to my local shows again, like I did before my operation, infact I was hoping for everything to be able to go back to 'normal' but I guess not. I really do miss it to be honest, I haven't rode properly for 19 months! longest time I have ever gone.

its quite funny really, when first talking about the operation when I was 16/17 my consultant at the time said id be able to go back to it at 6-12months then it was more like 12months now its been longer and im still not on board:(

It seems everything revolves around weight and what is said on the scales, cant do anything until I gain weight but that in its self is so so so hard! im petrified im going to be fat, I don't want to look in the mirror and see fat rolls like I did before, its hard for someone else to understand, I know people who  are thinking 'its only a bit of weight, it wont be that hard to put on' its not just about the physical change its about the mental change as well, I have accept it, which at the moment im finding so hard to do. to me its a scary prospect. It will be hard to accept it and it will be even harder to gain the weight.. to get to the weight my Gp wanted me I have to put on 9kg!! to get a BMI of 18.5 (minimum of healthy weight) I have to put on 5kg, that's going to take a lot of food!

I saw my Gp on Tuesday, and she is really happy the tablets are starting to help with my anxiety but she also mentioned something else she has been thinking of since meeting me back in September. She is thinking that I have a learning disability! again how could that be possible and how can people only just if picked up on it? it doesn't make much sense to be honest, anyway to her it does and she is going through all my medical records in the next week or so and ill see her in the next few weeks, if she does really think I have one then she is sending me to see a learning disability specialist.

why cant anything seem to be going good at the moment? it seems I just get bad news after bad news!
not good at all.
ive included a photo of my post op xray:D so happy
Kirsty xxxx