94weeks(22months) post 1st operation and 64 weeks(14months) post the 2nd-

Ive been super busy the past few weeks, so much has gone on and ive had quite a few appointments.
to start with I have been seeing the ED service every weeks to get weighed, gaining weight is so hard emotionally, mentally and physically! the past few weeks I have gained,

13th may- 0.2kg,
20th may- 0.2kg
28th may- 0.8kg!! meaning I now weigh, 42.5kg!

that weight may not seem much to some people but to me it is, its a huge, when that number came up on the scales, I wanted to just cry, it really freaked me out and got my anxiety going, its the most ive weighed in ages! what makes things worse is the bloating- my stomach is huge and it hurts!, im finding it hard to look in the mirror and see my stomach. because of my weight I have been told I cannot exercise or do anything so basically I can sit on the sofa but have to be 'mindful' of what I am doing around the house. its so hard not going back to restricting when you have something telling you that you've  gained enough and that your getting fatter and fatter with every junk food that you have to eat:(.
this is what my current meal plan looks like- there is way to much food I say!, each time I don't gain I get an increase:(-

Breakfast-2 slices of toast with biscuit spread,30g coco pops in semi skimmed milk, coffee

Snack-(250calories) A 50g chocolate bar, like a 4 finger kitcat or a yorkie, mars  bar, snicker etc.. and a cup of tea

Lunch- Ham an lettuce Sandwich, petits filous yoghurt, apple and grape snack bag AND a packet of mini ritz biscuits.

Snack- cereal bar of some sort, (nature valley honey and oats bar, nutrigrain bar or I can sometimes have a coco pops bar instead/). cup of tea/coffee

Dinner- fish or meat (useually like salmon or chicken maybe),2  potato waffles or 5 smiley faces, baked beans OR vegetables)

Dessert- Ambrosia custard pot, 50g chocolate bar, anything dessert like really

Snack- 2 slices of toast with biscuit spread/strawberry jam. (or 1 slice of toast if its too much), milky drink (coffee, tea, hot chocolate, glass of milk

I did have some good news though, on the 20th of may I had my mental health follow up and after my ed team talking with the mental health doctor it has been decided that I don't need inpatient treatment and I can be treated as an out patient, they are going to let my ed team take full charge and they'll be in the back ground in case they are needed, I will have another follow up appointment in 6months!- WOO!

Yesterday I had my EMG and nerve testing studies on my shoulder, Mr green wanted to check if my shoulder is working ok, it did hurt, the first test was like spinal cord monitoring it was kind of funny to see my fingers and arm flying about! the second test was checking my muscles and a needle had to be poked in, this one hurt a bit, my arm is quite sore today but it was expected really I see Mr green
in a few weeks for my follow up and to see what he says about the tests.

Kirsty xxxx

91weeks(22months) post 1st and 61weeks(14months) second operation-

On Tuesday I saw Mr green (the shoulder specialist) and thankfully we had some reassuring news that I wont need an operation on my shoulder (yay), he said by description of my pain and things it seems I have a nerve pain syndrome which can actually occur after a fall etc (meaning it may have happened when my horse knocked me over), so he is sending me for some nerve tests on my shoulder and I go back and see him in around 6 weeks, so in all I think it was surprisingly good news!:):)

well this Tuesday I have a pain management appointment, it was suppose to be in August but to be honest im struggling again with my pain, so they have brought it forward, also on Tuesday me and jemma have our lung function tests (oh the fun!) hopefully my lung capacity hasn't got any worse I have been noticing  that I am starting to struggle again, its not as bad as before thought.

Kirsty xx

The aim is to gain- The start of my eating disorder recovery!

Well for me this is quite a big post, For all that didn't know I was diagnosed with an eating disorder in September 2014 and since then my weight has dropped quite abit. at my lowest weight I was 40kg (6 stone) and my Bmi stood at around 17 (anything that's a bmi of 18.5 or below is considered underweight and unhealthy).

Yesterday I had my very first appointment with the eating disorder service, and after a talk with them im putting all my trust in them not to back me fat or give me fat rolls and taking the massive step in getting better help, which means starting to recover, slowly getting to a decent weight and then the mental help will follow on after that. I had to sign a sheet on paper agreeing to the help, meaning im seeing them every week until ive gain enough then they will think about maintaining my weight.

Ive been put on a meal plan (ill post below) that seems to be a 2000+ calorie meal plan, for me thats a lot of food! im used to only eating around 1000< calories of the same food every day but now this is a challenge as im having to gradually add in my fear foods/bad foods and eat a hell of a lot more/ The out patient target is 0.5kg a week and the inpatient target is 1kg a week!

I was told a typical day on a inpatient unit is,
breakfast-8:15am-9:15am,

Sitting-9:15am-10:15am
Snack- 10:15am-11:15am
Sitting- 11:15am-12:15pm
Lunch- 12:15pm-1:15pm
Sitting- 1:15pm-2:15pm
Snack- 2:15pm-3:15pm
Sitting- 3:15pm-4:15pm
Dinner- 4:15pm-5:15pm
Sitting- 6:15pm-7:15pm
Snack- 7:15pm-8:15pm
Sitting- 8:15pm-9:15pm
every day!

im not aloud to do anymore exercise than I already am doing, I did ask about it because my surgeon said swimming would be good but the ED team said I cant until ive gained weight:(, They ed nurse seems quite strict and has said if the targets aren't met she does and will have ago at you!

this is going to be hard and such a challenge but im sure I can do it:) xxxx

89weeks(21months) post first op and 59 weeks(13months) post the second-

Its been a good few weeks since ive posted on here but I've been so busy with appointments and things (ill do a separate post on the main reason later). I gained some good news from the appointment from Mr Mehta, there isn't anything he can see that's wrong with my lower back, but that means he doesn't know why I am having pain there, maybe its pressure or lack of fat but I am going to start physio for it soon and im also having a lung function test to see if my lung function has got any worse/better since my operation as im starting to struggle again, not like before that's for sure but it is worrying me. I have an appointment next week to see my gp and hopefully she will let me have some better pain relief as paracetamol isn't helping at all.

Ive finally got an appointment to see the shoulder specialist! its on the 5th of may so a few days after my 20th birthday! jemma has also got an appointment to see a shoulder specialist too but its a different one a few weeks after.
that's all for this post!
Kirsty xxxx

86weeks (21months) post my 1st op and 56 weeks (13months) post my second!-

These past few weeks have been pretty boring nothing has really happened apart from getting a phone call on Wednesday from the spinal nurse to say that Mr mehta has seen my CT scan and wants to see me in clinic, not sure why, but Im hoping it's not bad news. The appointment is on Tuesday (7th), so only have two days untill we find out now:)
Hats all I have got to say really nothing else had happened!
Kirsty xxxxx

84weeks (20months) post my 1st op and 54weeks(12months) post my 2nd operation-

Gosh well what a busy busy 2 weeks! I haven't really had time to think to be honest, to start with I had my mental health assesment the day after I posted last well let's just say that was eventful and not what I was expecting at all, with everything that is going on and with my age they are reffering me to a eating disorder consultant, as they only have a eating disorder nurse (I'll see her too!) and they feel I need more help, with the bmi I had (17) they wanted to admit me into the hospital for a few weeks but because I said no, they have sent their home treatment team around my house twice a week untill I am able to be n outpatient again, the doctoring saw also has put my name on the waiting lists for a bed on 2 separate eating disorder units as she feels it would really benefit me, because my bmi isn't 16.5 or below they thankfully can't force me so it's my choice:). The doctor also upped my flouxetine upto 40mg and I aim struggling tocope as I'm so tired and drained which I wasn't before hand, I've also saw my dietitan on Thursday (4days ago) and she has gave me some great tips on how to up my food intake and face my many fear foods!:) I also have somehow managed to gain 1.4kg!! Which everyone says is good! I'm 41.4kg now, I'm not so sure on how I feel about it as I haven't ate any more than I was before... Hmmm
I had my ct scan on my lower back Monday, hopefully we will get the results back sooner rather than later as my back is super sore:(

There's not much else going on with me ATM, as you can tell I lead a very very exciting life....not!!!
Kirsty xxxx

82weeks(20months) post my first op and 52weeks(12months!) post the second-

Wow I've been quite busy the past few weeks doing a number of things so I haven't had much time to post anything. Well where to I start?

On the 4th march I tuned a year post my second operation, I cannot believe a year ago I had my left rod trimmed! It doesn't seem that long ago at all. I feels just like yesterday that I was nervously going into the hospital for te second time!

My back is still very achey and sore and I do get pain at the bottom, sadly my GP still won't give me anything and I've been told now just to take 1 paracetamol! If 2 doesn't work, what good would 1 do? Not much :(,I still can't get gabapentin for my nerve pain nor have I had an appointment for my ct scan on my lower back.

I have a mental health assesment tomorrow, I'm not looking forward to it at all, I've lost more weight so I'm now 40kg, so my CBT therapist rang my GP as he was concerned and she was also concerned so she's refered me to get more hope, they hope I can get help from the eating disorder service as my CBT therapist has already made the specialist aware of my case apparently:/

I'll update you all on the outcome of things in the week:)

Kirsty xxxxx